It's like God shit irony all over that family
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
