The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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