i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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