i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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