Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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