we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize