He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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