The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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