I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
