Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
