If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
