I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
