I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
