I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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