Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think i have herpe
just one?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
