i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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