Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
