He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
