so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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