Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you will always have a special place in my vag
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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