There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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