I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
