there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
