im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
