my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Houston, we have a blender
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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