your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
