so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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