Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
