Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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