I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
