you're like a bully in the Christmas story
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
