well you can't waste a boner
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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