We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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