im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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