Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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