look no pants
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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