we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
