she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize