I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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