Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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