Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
