At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
