Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
wow bdsm is so cute
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
