I want to stick my p in your. b.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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