I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize