Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She bit a glass in half.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
