i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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