Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
