Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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