dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
