So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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