i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
