remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
