She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
