like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
