i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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