She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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