meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
