Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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