I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
