You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
