You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
