He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
