He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
