Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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