Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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