Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
