Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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