Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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