she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
