Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
