My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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