all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I still have a little drunk in my system
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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