You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
