i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
