those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize