I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
