Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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