Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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