the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
