ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
