Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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