I cannot find my penis.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As shirtless as possible
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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