1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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