I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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