dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize