; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
