i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
