no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
