at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
