My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
