I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
