so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize