found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
