wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
