I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
