I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
